this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
