i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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