How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
