Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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