We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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