How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
