Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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