so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
