I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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