My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
