how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
