the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
