any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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