I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
