life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
