Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
