i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
