Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
