i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
