his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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