She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
