White coat. Heels.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
