I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
