Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i dont even know how to be here
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
