Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
