Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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