Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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