When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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