If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
