I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
