Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
