your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
