He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
