This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
