My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
