apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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