Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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