do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
