i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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