Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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