If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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