Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
