I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
