and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
