what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
