So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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