By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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