you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
