absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
