If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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