i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
