so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
