i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
